“Why do you need to keep talking to him, he’s in a relationship?”
I recently started talking to a girl. She is quite impressive. She’s smart, she’s witty and she’s interesting. Conversation flowed effortlessly. We birthed the title of this post, #convoflow from a comment made on a whim. You know what I’d do to her if I had the chance, and we were alone?
Keep talking to her.
People often cite social media and advances in technology as a reason for the destruction of the art of conversation. While there is a case to be made for this, one cannot negate simple human laziness. Conversation requires you to listen, process, think, formulate and express yourself. This is simply too much work for some people. So in our infinite need for human interaction, we substitute our desire of conversation for forwarding funny texts and sharing memes.
The reason why the first paragraph probably sounded suspect to you is because you probably figured there’s no reason to really talk to a member of the opposite sex unless you could possibly date them. What a grave mistake we have made. You have probably heard or even said things like the quote above but the aim of this post is to show you what you may be missing out on.
Regardless of gender, people go through many fascinating life experiences. They travel, they meet people, they eat things, they create things and they learn things. These all add value to a person, value which could be shared with you if you just opened your eyes for a second. Men, it’s possible for us to excel at verbal communication even when there is a football around. Women it is possible to let a conversation exist as DIALOGUE as opposed to a scripted appeal for you to talk some more.
For those in relationships. I understand some of you feel like you’ve found your partner so there’s no need to speak to other members of the opposite sex. If that’s what you choose, it’s fine. However, I’d ask you to reconsider. You see when you speak to all these different people, what you don’t understand is that all the things you learnt and picked up on helped make you the person your partner was initially attracted to. My theory is, the insular nature of some people’s romantic relationships ends up being the death of the very romance it’s built upon. Men will lose their sharpness for being witty, smart and engaging. Women will lose their airs of grace and silky words. Both the man and the woman settle into an amalgamation of each other and then wonder why it’s no longer exciting or intriguing. I’m not encouraging people to start affairs, just to simply talk to other people. Besides, if talking to someone else made your partner leave you, your relationship was either pretty rubbish or the person was pretty flakey. If you are tempted to leave your partner because you’re enjoying conversation with someone else, I’d like to remind you of my previous article, Keep Her in Her Lane.
In conjunction with the above point, I recently pointed out to someone that when I’m in a relationship I’ve now learnt how important it is not to feel the need to throw it into conversation with every new person you meet. It was met with shock and horror (by a woman) with the feeling that it is somehow dishonest. It’s not about actively hiding your relationship, just rearranging how you prioritise who you are. My belief is that to define yourself by your relationship status is to shortchange your life experience. If you met someone and decided you would like to exchange foods from your respective cultures, what the heck does your relationship status have to do with any of that? By throwing “I have a boyfriend” in someone’s face you often send the message that the person is of no value to you simply because there are no boyfriend vacancies. Besides, it can be quite arrogant, especially if the person was kind enough to actually just care about who you are.
Obviously this requires both people to be on the same friendship page but all I advocate through #convoflow is to find value in people as individuals and appreciate it. Stop looking at them as potential client, potential partner or meal ticket. Just simply look at them as an individual with whom you could actually just have a great conversation with. #Convoflow is a movement with an inherently valuable experience.
Here are some tips to help you get started with your own #convoflow
1. Pick someone you find vaguely interesting and feel you can trust.
2. Use a medium like email or Facebook message where you are encouraged to use alot more than 140 characters
3. Explain that you’d just like to enjoy a great conversation with that person.
4. Be funny and charming and witty.
5. End every message with a fresh question even if you’ve asked one of their questions back at them.
6. Be honest and open.
7. Never leave yourself over-exposed or let the other person over-expose themselves. Be fair and equal in how much you let out.
8. Address each one of their points.
9. Unless promised, always respect a person’s right to withhold information.
10. Use a wide range of vocabulary and impeccable grammar. The worst that’ll happen is that you teach each other new words. (It turns out miscegenation is the mixing of racial groups through marriage, cohabitation, sexual relations and procreation)
A wise man I know once said to his younger brother, “If you don’t have anything to say to girls, you don’t have anything to say to people”. Stop being lazy.
If you would like to start #convoflow with me, hit me up on my Facebook Page.